10 Reasons Vladimir Putin is A Dick

1) In the 2011 election the official figure for voter turnout was 140%.




2) Whenever he walks away from something it looks like it is about to blow up.


Putin Walking Away


3) His preoccupation with gay “propaganda”.



4) The way he thinks he is really good at singing.

5) His constant need appear macho.

Like appearing on horseback.

Putin shirtless on a horse

Get your moobs out for the lads.

Or claiming in 2011 that while scuba diving on holiday he found ancient Greek artifacts. A spokesman later had to admit it was a stunt when it was pointed out it was impossible for them to have been hidden under 6ft of clear water for over two thousand years without anyone else spotting them.

Putin with greek pottery

This time with less offensive jugs on display.

He also released a Judo video for his 56th birthday as a gift to the nation and claims to have shot a tiger to save a TV crew from being eaten. There is no footage of this.

6) The only European leader he ever seemed to get on with was Sarkozy.

And here is the “teetotal” Sarkozy after a meeting with Putin.

7) When he was in the KGB, German intelligence files described him as a ‘philanderer and a wifebeater’.


Putin in the KGB


8) Alexander Litvinenko was killed in a James Bond style radiation poisoning in London after releasing an anti-Putin Book.


Putin as Bond villain

But who could believe Vladimir Putin is a bond style villain?


9) He would be the worst “Come Dine With Me” guest ever.


10) Last year Russia ranked 143rd, joint with Nigeria and Uganda, on Transparency International’s annual list of the 182 most corrupt nations.